No Eres La Primera, Ni La Ultima

Spring—the season of rebirth comes with memories that I have not fully shared with my Charmers. There were many questions asked last year, but I gave minimal answers. Last spring, I was planning my wedding, studying for my M.A. comprehensive exam, and running Once Upon a Charm. I was so busy juggling life—I became blinded. Just four months before the big day, I discovered that I was to marry someone who was untrustworthy. I called the wedding off, as I couldn’t marry someone I did not trust. Nevertheless, what hurt the most was the disservice I did to myself. I didn’t realize I was in a toxic relationship, and let nine years go by. I was angry with myself for a very long time—I blamed myself for what happened, and all I could think was—why?

Weeks passed and the numbness feeling seemed endless, but thanks to my friends and family—I was able to lift myself back up. That summer was the best and most memorable yet. I want to take this time to thank all those who went through the pain with me—I love you!

During that time, my father told me something I will never forget. These words continue to stick with me, and help me get through any obstacle I encounter. His words to me were:

“No eres la primera, ni la ultima.”

He reminded me that I was not the first woman to have called off her wedding, and that many others may encounter what I went through. Unknowingly, my father gave me the strength to turn something so hurtful into something significant. I decided to giveaway my wedding dress. It was a full gown, overskirt, and veil (worth seven thousand dollars).

The day I told my family and friends that I wanted to give away my wedding dress was the day I was called a pendeja. I got remarks like:

“That dress is gorgeous, you need to save it.”

“You never know—you can use it again.”

“It was too expensive to just give it away.”

“It’s a brand new gown—at least sell it!”

I did not care about the cost of the dress, or how pretty it was. I just knew that dress was not meant for me, and that this chapter of my life had to close. So, I gave the dress to a generous and caring policewoman from Texas.

 I have not lost my hope for love, as God’s timing is always perfect. I am happily in a relationship to someone I had not seen in fourteen years—had a HUGE crush on—and never thought I would date. Nonetheless, I am happy with the relationship I have built with myself, for I have forgiven myself. What happened was inevitable, and there are many other women struggling with similar issues.

Thus, this blog goes to those women who have recently gotten laid-off, are unexpectedly pregnant, suffering from a bad breakup, had to drop out of college, are in debt with student loans, can’t seem to finish their thesis, failed a course or an exam, are struggling to find a job, or [insert your struggle here]. I want you to know that no matter what your obstacle may be— it will pass, we will adapt, we will grow, and we will survive—NO ERES LA PRIMERA, NI LA ULTIMA.